First of all, if you managed to get married, good for you, because who the hell wants to go through years of trawling through crap to try to find a good man. You find someone right away, you're set for life (if it lasts.....) Unfortunately that doesn't happen for all of us, so spare a thought, and enjoy!
My first pet peeve of these websites is the alarming amount of men who initiate contact, then you NEVER HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN!! This is really common. They will even act super interested, often the fact that I'm a gamer pulls them in, then maybe it pushes them away too? I know I'm a rarity. There's really not many Muslim girls who game, but instead of treating me like an oddity, just see me as a person please. Gaming is my hobby yes, but there's so much more. I never had the fact that I'm a gamer on my profile previously, but I thought it looked boring that I had no decent hobbies. My mum actually used to tell me that gaming would not get me a husband. I will prove her wrong! I think I just have to find someone on my level. You take me as I come, I won't give up gaming!
Never be anybody's second best. If they're not acting like they care enough, or they don't want to ever involve your parents, then forget them.
Having certain things you won't budge on, a lot of people don't seem to like the fact that you won't consider just about anything. Maybe I'm controversial, but I'd prefer to be with someone from the same background as myself, or just mixed race. I feel we understand each other better. After all, how many white couples, Asian couples, African couples etc etc exist, I could go on and on. There's tons of people who don't marry out of their ethnicity, but nobody says anything. Yet I'm expected to go for anyone for some reason? No, I'll stick to what I feel is my type thanks. I'm not racist, before you pull that card. I can be friends with pretty much anyone, but when it comes to marriage I can and will be picky! Deal with it. The main reason this is something important to me is culture. We have way too many overly cultural Muslims. I think I'd rather just deal with the cultures I know well, instead of wading into uncharted waters.
Men with unrealistic expectations. The ones who ask that you live with their family, and then also look after their mum. (that's your mum, dude, look after her!) Ones who set stupid expectations for what working will entail. Don't want you to work with men, women only. (does such a place exist?) Looking for a perfect woman, asking that you should be like Prophet Muhammed's (peace be upon him) wives. You do know perfection doesn't exist, right? Who are you to ask for a woman like that?! One guy stipulated on his profile that he didn't want a girl in a headscarf, kinda dumb since you're Muslim, its sort of kinda what we're supposed to wear?! It's only a command from God y'know! Then the one who wanted someone 'sexually compatible', because his first marriage had ended in divorce over the same issue. So you want to try someone out before marriage? Good luck with that.
The dimwits who don't realise what joining a matrimonial site means. I've had a few saying they were on there just looking for friends. Erm, sorry to burst your bubble, but that's what Facebook is for? Why on Earth did you make an account, type up a profile, upload pictures, only to not use it for its intended purpose? Wow, you must be a special kind of stupid. Nobody likes time wasters, and this is them in another form.
The 'friend' thing also tends to crop up because I'm a gamer. Some don't see me as marriage material, just a cool person who plays games. That's kind of annoying because wouldn't you want a wife who you can play video games with? Why relegate someone like me to the 'friend' pile? Fine if you don't want to consider me, but maybe don't message me in the first place. Ain't nobody got time fo dat!
The ones who get all mad if you don't reply right away. Let's get this straight, its not nice to ignore messages, but if the person is furiously sending lots because you didn't reply a minute after they sent it, that's just ridiculous. I will reply even if its to say I don't think we're a good match. Just don't bug me, or you get nothing but a block.
Divorcees or people with children expecting anybody to take them on. Now I'm all for everyone getting a second, third, fourth (I could go on) chance, but not everybody can deal with that. Divorcees aren't so much of an issue, but I'm pretty sure I can't deal with looking after someone else's children and having to deal with their ex. It's not my baggage and I don't want to take it on. Don't hold it against me, because its better I say no now rather than putting us both through hell. I'm single and I've never been married, shoot me if I say I kinda want the same in my other half! I've also been to the point where I was considering a divorcee, and he was even talking to my dad, but he brought up a lot of personal information about his ex. It put me right off, I didn't need to know that, and he didn't endear himself to my dad either. C'mon man, I have an Arab dad, you can't say those things!
I think I got a lot off my chest, and it was much needed. If I was to give any advice, I'd say never give up with these sites. Especially if you are in my position, where you have no real world contacts to help you find a marriage partner. Online is pretty much my only choice right now. I never used to be open about it, but I am now. I'm not ashamed. I want to get married, to have children. My own family, my house. I'd say the number one rule of trying to find a spouse online is, don't be naive. You will find all kinds of people online, and you need to be tough about it. Don't be gullible, don't let them pull you into doing something bad, something against your morals. Stick to your guns and you should be fine. Take breaks if you ever feel jaded about finding someone. Then resume when you feel better. I do this a lot. It helps keep me refreshed.
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